Desperate for Desperate Housewives

2006-09-24T13:15:00.000-07:00

The new season begins tonight, so go to our new site for news and spoilers about the new season.

2006-06-08T23:46:00.000-07:00

As planned, just about everything from this site has been moved over to our new location.

UPDATE: All sorts of people aren't clicking over to our new site from here. News, spoilers, an episode guide, etc . . . it's all over at the new site, so go to it!

I give up

2006-03-27T09:27:00.000-08:00

My files have again been deleted. I give up this time. I have too much else to do, and I'm on the brink of getting a job writing for TV, so I'm not about to get a bunch of extra time in the next several weeks anyway.

If anyone would like this blogspot address, email me at Peterased@yahoo.com

Scene by scene summary of THERE IS NO OTHER WAY

2006-03-12T18:09:00.000-08:00

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TEASER
1. Mary Alice talks about how Paul always knew how to anticipate what was coming up. We see him at home and then--
2. FLASHBACK - Paul was one of the first to adopt Velcro
3. FLASHBACK - Paul was one of the first to anticipate the three-dollar cup of coffee.
4. FLASHBACK - Paul also used bottled water first.
5. Back in the present, there’s a knock at the door. It’s Detective Sullivan, who tells Paul he’s taking him downtown for questioning concerning credit card fraud. Paul exits, and Felicia’s watching.
6. At the police station, Sullivan’s told that he must book Paul elsewhere, as the computers are down.
7. Sullivan puts Paul in the back of a truck, where a couple creeps give him a hello from Deidre’s father -- and then they attack Paul.

ACT ONE
1. Mary Alice talks about Bree’s weekly routine…
2. Bree cleans on Tuesdays…
3. pays bills on Wednesdays…
4. does laundry on Thursdays…
5. And she rewards herself with a drink. Outside, Gabrielle Lynette, and Susan are discussing Bree.
6. Lynette’s told the women about what happened with Bree and her kids. As Lynette drives off to work as Bree comes out and wants to know what Lynette was talking about. She teases it out that Lynette mentioned the alcohol issue but Bree lies about her alcohol use. As Bree leaves, Susan and Gabrielle mention they could smell alcohol on her breath.
7. Tom does a presentation -- badly. Lynette looks bored and questions it being too similar to another campaign. But Lynette thinks there’s room for improvement.
8. Later Tom talks to Lynette privately. She maintains he did a half-assed job and she knows he was wrapped up with his game on TV the night before instead of working on his presentation.
9. At the hospital, Susan’s greeted by Dr. Ron and her surgeon -- whose hand is in a cast. Dr. Ron is going to do the surgery with the other doctor aiding. Nurse Heisel brings in a huge bouquet of flowers Dr. Ron bought. He’s been thinking of his future with Susan and expressed his feelings on the card. After he leaves, Susan reads the card and the nurse wants to read it too. She seems to love the card more than Susan does…
10. Gabrielle and Carlos meet with an adoption counselor who informs them that it’s the birth mother who chooses the parent, not the other way around. They’ll have to come up with a parent portfolio featuring pictures and character references. Gabrielle doesn’t like the idea that a slutty cheerleader could get knocked up and then be put into the position of getting to choose her baby’s parent.
11. Andrew finds Bree outside, drinking. He wants a car, and can get it, if Bree lets him have access to his trust fund before he’s 21. Bree refuses. After Andrew notes Bree’s on her 3rd glass of wine before noon and calls her a mean old drunk, Bree slaps him.

ACT TWO
1. Susan wakes up in her hospital bed to find Karl reading (and mocking) Dr. Ron’s card to her. She admits she likes Dr. Ron, but she’s not ready to be in love with him just yet. Susan and Karl trade barbs. As Karl exits, he makes a comment to Nurse Heisel about Susan being his wife.
2. Gabrielle and Carlos are looking for wholesome pictures of themselves but all the photos are of them being naked, or smoking, or drinking. What can they do? Gabrielle comes up with a plan.
3. Gabrielle and Carlos have gone to Lynette, and they want her to write a letter about why they should be parents. They’ve also brought Lynette wine as a gift. They also get permission to be named godparents to Lynette’s kids. And they want pictures of themselves with Lynette’s kids…
4. Felicia and Mike meet up outside. She reveals she came back to take care of some old business. He learns from her that Paul was taken away by the police. They see Zach is on the phone…
5. Mike and Noah talk on the phone, and Noah suggests Paul’s been taken care of. As the call ends, Mike gets out his gun…
6. The Scavo family’s having dinner at home. Tom tells his wife the meatloaf is burnt, and wants her to admit she didn’t give dinner her best effort, because no one can be doing 100% all the time. Lynette apologizes to Tom in hopes of getting past their issues, then asks the kids how they like the meatloaf, and they think it’s too salty…
7. Andrew’s put a ring on Justin’s finger. Then Justin punches Andrew! Andrew insists Justin do it again, if he loves him. And Justin hits Andrew again.

ACT THREE
1. In their bedroom, Tom and Lynette want to turn around their day--with sex! He kisses her and they get on the bed. First, he’s on top, but then she ends up on top. Tom pulls away and says that he can tell she always needs to be on top! They try again until Tom accuses her of bracing his leg to keep from being put on bottom. He claims she’s always in charge of everything, and she responds by saying he needs to step up. Tom goes to check on their kids…
2. Nurse Heisel goes to check Susan’s blood pressure, but presses it far too hard. The nurse reveals she knows Susan’s married! She calls Susan a skank. Susan tries to pull herself up to go to the nurse as she exits, but is tangled up in all the machines she’s hooked up to. Susan finally makes her way to the nurse’s station and confesses her marriage fraud. The nurse changes her tune about Susan and tells Susan that Dr. Ron is working up the courage to tell Susan he loves her.
3. Bree finds Mr. Bormanis, a lawyer, in her house. He’s been hired by Andrew who claims his black eye was caused by Bree hitting him.
4. Later, the three are sitting down. Andrew plans on getting emancipated so he can have access to his trust fund. Bree needs time to think about this.
5. At the adoption agency, Gabrielle and Carlos look at the pictures of them with Lynette’s kids. They’re invites back to see their counselor…as Helen Rowland, John’s mother, sees them.
6. Meeting with the counselor, Gabrielle and Carlos can’t remember all of Lynette’s kids’ names. Enter Helen, who tells the counselor she knows Gabrielle--because Gabrielle raped her son. And Carlos was in prison! Helen makes it obvious she’ll make sure Gabrielle and Carlos will never adopt anywhere.

ACT FOUR
1. At the hospital, Susan tells Lynette she’s going to break up with Dr. Ron because there’s no thunderbolt between them. But Susan talks herself into concluding that the thunderbolt between her and Karl and Mike went badly, and Dr. Ron can provide the stability she needs. Lynette still loves the thunderbolt, though!
2. Carlos doesn’t think they’re ever going to be parents now, but Gabrielle’s willing to do anything to get a baby. This is the first time Carlos has ever felt Gabrielle wanted a baby, and that’s because no one ever told her she couldn’t have one. Gabrielle is sure there are ways to get babies…if you can afford to pay.
3. Mike’s with Zach when Felicia comes to the door with macaroons. She wants to make amends between her and Zach. That’s when a car drives up and Paul gets out.
4. FLASHBACK -- Paul is attacked in the truck, but he attacks back.
5. As Paul approaches the house and Zach runs to hug him, Paul takes a macaroon and asks how Felicia knew he loved them. Felicia looks appropriately stunned.

ACT FIVE
1. Paul and Mike discuss Noah. Paul plans to be gone by morning, but Mike says there’s no use in leaving, as Noah surely has someone watching, and he has cops on his side. Zach’s listening on the stairs as Mike tells Paul to let Zach and Noah meet. Paul’s against this idea but Noah comes down and agrees to meet Noah.
2. Tom and Lynette are about to exit the elevator when Tom pulls her back in and brings the machine to a halt. He apologizes for his behavior to this point and knows this is his issue to deal with. She kisses him and he kisses back, wanting to go even further. She thinks they can’t do this, but this is him being in charge, so they continue.
3. Carlos and Gabrielle are with an adoption lawyer who’s going to use unconventional methods to get them a child, as soon as they can provide proof of their interest in doing so. Gabrielle proves this by giving him a $20,000 check.
4. Noah meets with Zach for the first time, as Mike stands there too. Noah admits to his efforts to kill Paul, and Zach tells his grandfather he’ll never see him again if he tries to harm his father. Noah’s pleased Zach’s resorted to blackmail, but wonders which father Zach was talking about. Zach thinks the only father he ever wants is Paul. And then, Noah asks if Zach and Mike are up for some meaningless small talk….

ACT SIX
1. Mike walks into the hospital waiting room with flowers where Karl teases him. Karl tells Mike about Dr. Ron’s card to Susan and claims Susan loved it. Susan’s wheeled out for surgery and insists on talking with Mike first. She’s all drugged up and is incredibly touched Mike showed up. As she’s led away for surgery, Mike exits, not caring about his flowers anymore.
2. Dr. Ron, the other surgeon, and Susan are about to do the surgery. He ends up telling Susan he loves her, but she returns the favor by…saying she loves Mike! Who’s Mike? As Susan babbles on about Mike and love, Nurse Heisel admits that Susan’s married to someone named Karl. The other surgeon is ready to begin surgery, and Dr. Ron says, “Let’s cut this bitch open.”
3. Bree’s dumping out her wine, and Andrew learns it’s because of their hearing in 4 weeks. She’s going to AA tomorrow, because perception is reality, and people perceive she has a drinking problem, so she’s going to pretend she’s a recovering alcoholic. She’s not done with Andrew yet, even as he wants her to let him go. He calls his mother a stone cold bitch and she tosses a wine bottle at the wall. Andrew tells his mother he hates her, but Bree takes that as a good sign, because the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. She believes she still has a chance to set things right with him.
4. Mary Alice talks about Bree’s routine…she still cleans on Tuesdays…
5. Pays the bills on Wednesdays…
6. Does the laundry on Thursdays…
7. But now, on Fridays, she drives away…
8. to an AA meeting. Bree tells the group she’s an alcoholic, but Mary Alice says Bree didn’t really believe it.
9. And after the AA meeting, Bree comes home and rewards herself with a drink.

Scene by scene summary of THANK YOU SO MUCH

2006-02-19T18:06:00.000-08:00

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TEASER
1. Susan sits at her table as Mary Alice says Susan believed the punishment should fit the crime.
2. FLASHBACK: Susan finds lipstick on Karl’s shirt collar.
3. FLASHBACK: Susan destroys Karl’s trophy with a vise and hammer.
4. FLASHBACK: Susan burns Karl’s dress shoes on a BBQ.
5. FLASHBACK: Susan runs over Karl’s golf clubs with her car.
6. Susan’s sitting at her table with Karl and Julie. He reminds his soon-to-be-wife that they have to keep quiet about their nuptials, as this is insurance fraud. Julie thinks the marriage is a mistake and insists that it be a business arrangement only. Karl wants Susan to find her wedding ring, and insists she find it, even after she says she threw it out her car window the night their marriage fell apart.
7. Karl watches Susan as she uses a metal detector to find the ring in the brush by the side of the road.

ACT ONE
1. A depressed Bree sits at a restaurant table. She talks to her waiter, Tony, about the horrible events of her life and he convinces her to take a cab home. She wants some more wine before she goes.
2. Bree arrives home thanks to a cab. She drops her keys on the grass, then kneels down to pick them up.
3. Mrs. McCluskey finds Bree passed out on the lawn. She rings the Van De Kamp’s doorbell and gets Andrew, who’s nonchalant about his mother’s condition and takes care of the problem by turning on the sprinklers. Bree gets up quickly and runs inside.
4. Lynette answers her door to find Mrs. McCluskey, who’s there to babysit as Tom and Lynette were called in to work for the weekend. Lynette didn’t know about this at all and gets Tom to follow her into the laundry room…
5. where Lynette chews Tom out for hiring Mrs. McCluskey, who’s old and will be killed off by having to deal with the kids. Tom reminds her they have to be to work in an hour, and she should be quiet as it’s a thin door. Lynette insists she’ll hire someone else.
6. Back in the living room, Lynette tells Mrs. McCluskey they don’t need her after all. As Mrs. M. leaves, she notes Tom’s right . . . it is a thin door.
7. Gabrielle’s bringing several bags out of her car when she looks to the upper window of her home and sees Carlos talking to a woman in a towel. She runs inside…
8. …where she finds wine and glasses downstairs…
9. And upstairs she finds…her mother!

ACT TWO
1. Later, Gabrielle’s mother Lucia tells Gabrielle she had to shower because of the fat sweaty man sitting next to her on the plane. Gabrielle wonders why she isn’t with her latest rich husband; apparently, though, she left him, and is miffed Gabrielle doesn’t care. Lucia cheered herself up by buying new breasts, which she shows off to Gabrielle, who doesn’t want to see that! Carlos is charmed by Lucia, who goes upstairs; Gabrielle tells her husband her mother’s a monster.
2. Susan’s scrubbing her wedding ring, but tosses it aside as Dr. Ron comes in, having spent the night. He has to go but tells her of their dinner plans for that night, while also saying they can move up her surgery. But Susan doesn’t want to do that, though she doesn’t mention it’s because she’s about to marry Karl. After Dr. Ron leaves, Susan feels bad about lying to Dr. Ron, but Julie convinces her she’s doing it for the right reason. Susan tells Julie to take the ring to Karl--and she’s to swallow it before letting Edie find it!
3. Andrew teases his mother about his hangover, even as Bree claims she doesn’t have a hangover but did have a bad combo of antihistamines and alcohol. Danielle wonders why Bree couldn’t drink in her room alone instead. The doorbell rings -- it’s Lynette, who wants Bree to babysit her kids.
4. Zach and Paul comment on Mary Alice’s beauty as they look at her wedding photo. Zach wonders if he looks like his biological mom or dad and Paul gets mad about this, not wanting his son to mention this any further.
5. Noah’s in bed as Detective Sullivan is filling him in on Mary Alice and Paul putting Deirdre’s body in a toy trunk. Sullivan wonders if Noah wants Paul killed. Noah’s initially more interested in getting a MP3 player for Zach, but he then tells Sullivan to make sure that Paul gets a toy trunk of his own. Felicia is listening in to this from the next room.

ACT THREE
1. Downstairs, Edie calls up to Karl to clean his mess, but he’s busy watching his game. She’s not in a happy mood at all -- until she sees the engagement ring and pre-nup agreement in his briefcase. As Karl comes to clean his mess, Edie has a change of heart and tells him to enjoy his game.
2. Bree wants Lynette’s twins to stop banging their toy piano, as she has a hangover. To help her hangover, Bree drinks more wine, as the twins bang on their piano.
3. At the doctor’s office, Gabrielle’s told there’s been some complications.
4. Later, at home, Gabrielle’s told her mother that it’s doubtful she can have kids. Gabrielle’s not shaken, as they can adopt, though Carlos is depressed about this option. Gabrielle considers using surrogacy, but Carlos doesn’t like the idea of dealing with a stranger. That’s when Lucia says she can be the surrogate! Gabrielle’s sure her mother is too old, and is totally against the idea, even as Carlos likes the concept.
5. Bree’s passed out on her couch. One of the twins picks up Bree’s arm and then drops it, seeing it flop down.
6. Outside, the twins push Penny in her stroller.
7. Bree wakes up and wonders where the boys went.
8. She searches all over the house.
9. Bree runs down Wisteria Lane, calling out for the boys.

ACT FOUR
1. Bree asks Mrs. McCluskey if she’s seen the boys, but Mrs. M. hasn’t.
2. Lynette gets a call from a hairdresser, who has the kids…
3. Tom and Lynette arrive at the salon to pick up the kids. The hairdresser is not happy the kids were not being supervised. Lynette tries to claim the kids have a great babysitter, but Tom points out they were able to walk 3 miles. Lynette and Tom exit with the kids.
4. Gabrielle tells Lucia she wants to go out shopping and possibly consider the surrogacy idea.
5. Gabrielle drops Lucia off at a hotel, then starts off--Gabrielle tells her mother to check into the hotel and then leave their lives forever.
6. Bree’s relieved to see Tom and Lynette have found the kids. She tells Lynette she was in the kitchen when the kids vanished, even as the kids say she was sleeping after drinking. Lynette makes her kids apologize to Bree for lying.
7. Carlos is mad at Gabrielle for sending Lucia away, and blames her issues with her mother on leaving home fifteen years ago. Gabrielle left home after being sexually abused by her stepfather, and Gabrielle says her mother knew what was going on and chose to look the other way. She refuses to do anything more for her mother other than give her back her luggage.
8. Paul answers the knock at his door -- it’s Mike, who tells him about Noah insisting on meeting him. Zach’s listening in as Mike says Paul should leave town with Noah. Zach overhears Paul mention that Mike is Zach’s father…

ACT FIVE
1. Ron and Susan are at a restaurant and see Karl and Edie are also there. Karl’s already ordered a soufflee for Edie, though she doesn’t really want it. Edie goes off to powder her nose and pulls Susan off to join her.
2. In the bathroom, Edie rubs it in to Susan that Karl is about to propose. Susan’s surprised, til she learns Edie found the ring and pre-nup. Edie believes the ring’s hidden in her dessert.
3. Susan gives a note for a waiter to deliver, but the waiter delivers the note to the wrong man, who storms out as he thinks his date expects a proposal and she knows he’s already married. Edie fingers her soufflee but finds nothing.
4. Carlos has brought Lucia her luggage, and they talk as he zips up her dress. He brings up the issue with her stepfather and she says she knew all about this -- and says it was Gabrielle’s fault for seducing her husband! Carlos realizes that Gabrielle’s mother truly is the monster Gabrielle sees her as.
5. Susan has been waiting outside Karl’s home for him to come outside, and when he does, she fills him in on Edie thinking he was going to propose. Karl decides he’s going to propose to Edie for real to throw her off the scent, as he would probably have proposed eventually. Karl wonders if Susan’s jealous, and Susan insists she’s not, but as he hugs his future wife, Karl doesn’t see the look on Susan’s face makes it look likely she’s lying.
6. Carlos comes home and tells Gabrielle they can adopt, as blood isn’t everything.

ACT SIX

1 Lynette learns from Mrs. McCluskey that Bree was passed out on her lawn.
2. Later, Lynette confronts Bree about the holes in her story, and confronts Bree about her drinking. Bree insists she has no alcohol problem and goes inside. Lynette starts going through her trash and finds many bottles. Mary Alice begins to talk about asking for help with small favors…
3. Susan and Karl get married by a justice of the peace. Karl kisses Susan.
4. Mrs. McCluskey agrees to take care of Tom’s kids, and points out how clogged her rain gutters are.
5. At the hotel, Lucia is on the phone with her aunt, and making plans to go help her.
6. Bree comes outside to find a dozen wine bottles, with a note from Lynette wondering if Bree has a problem. But Lynette just walks back inside as Bree doesn’t appear to see her problem.

Scene by scene summary of SILLY PEOPLE

2006-02-12T18:00:00.000-08:00

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TEASER

1. Mary Alice begins to talk about how numerous women come together at Maxine Bennett’s house for a meal. But Bree’s convinced that Maxine is lying about her ability to put together something like this herself. When Bree wonders this, Maxine insists she did it all herself -- a 6 course meal for 10 women. Bree’s angry about this as she’s still sure Maxine is lying, and notes the pudding takes too long for Maxine to have done this all herself.
Just then, there’s noise at the door -- it’s the FBI, and they come in with a warrant to look around. They burst into a side room and find a Chinese woman there: it’s Maxine’s slave! As Maxine is led away by the FBI, one of the other women is stunned by the revelation, but Mary Alice tells us Bree wasn’t surprised at all -- as the proof was in the pudding.

ACT ONE

1. Mary Alice talks about unlikely friendships, and we see several of them -- including a well-to-do woman and a tattooed man, a mailman who kisses a pit bull, etc. And then we see Edie and Susan as they approach Bree outside, wanting to know why she’s become friends with Betty. Bree tries to push away this talk but Edie questions whether this has something to do with Danielle and Matthew dating, as she was told Matthew and Danielle were kissing in the park. Bree insists she knows what she’s doing…
2. At work, Lynette’s a bit annoyed as Tom kisses her. He wants her help with their boss, Ed. But Lynette can’t protect her husband at work, she insists. He needs to find his own way to bond wth him.
3. Tom’s pitch for their client about bacon is bombing badly, and the only one laughing is Lynette. Lynette steers Tom towards his other proposed pitch, which involves a fraternity. And Tom and Ed begin to bond over experiences with fraternities. They agree to talk about the pitch over lunch . . .
4. Carlos is outside his home with Father Crowley when Gabrielle approaches. They’re introduced to Xiao-Mei, the newly freed slave, and Gabrielle learns Carlos agreed to let her stay in the guest room. Gabrielle pulls Carlos aside and complains about this.
5. Bree comes into Danielle’s bedroom and they end up arguing over how Danielle told Matthew the truth about Andrew’s secrets. Doesn’t she know that Andrew could go to prison if the truth goes out? Danielle encourages Bree to be nice to Betty, and everything will work out. Bree tells Danielle a story about how her stepmother once told Bree she had beauty, wit, cunning, and insight for her weapons. Bree urges her daughter to take care of her looks, as she doesn’t have any other weapons at her disposal…
6. Susan’s at Karl’s door. She doesn’t have medical insurance, and wonders if there’s someone she can sue about that.
7. A bit later, Susan’s inside with Karl and Edie. She doesn’t have medical insurance thanks to her former agent Lonnie. And she needs the operation for her wandering spleen as soon as possible. Desperate, Susan even says a small prayer. Edie has a solution: if Susan marries someone with insurance, all her problems will be solved. Susan likes the idea. But who to marry? Edie decides that maybe prayer wouldn’t be a bad idea after all . . .

ACT TWO

1. At work, Tom tosses some food into his mouth, and Ed says he’ll give him $200 if he can catch food like that 3 times in a row. Tom agrees, but there’s a catch: Ed’s going to throw the food to Tom! Lynette appears to think this is all stupid. Tom catches the first, and the second, but for the third Ed throws it badly and hits Tom. Ed gives Tom the money anyway.
2. Gabrielle comes home to find Xiao-Mei doing something with her clothing. At first she’s mad, until she realizes Xiao-Mei fixed the outfit perfectly. Xiao-Mei takes her to the next room where she’s got food for her. And Gabrielle loves it!
3. Later, Carlos is trying to kiss Gabrielle, but she seems to prefer the food. As they start to kiss and she gets undressed, she questions whether they should send Xiao-Mei back to China, given that people in China are sent to camps if they speak out against the government. Wouldn’t it be better for her to stay in America and learn about freedom? But Carlos knows she just wants her as their maid. When they argue a bit, Gabrielle walks off, telling Carlos she’s mad for him not helping spread freedom and democracy.
4. At a restaurant, Edie’s with a man named Gary, and Susan approaches. Edie has to leave. Susan’s a bit taken aback to learn Gary wants to marry her because he’s gay and hasn’t come out to his mother, who’s said she won’t die until he’s married. They shake hands and agree to the marriage.
5. At Noah’s place, Felicia brings Noah his pills and the mail. She watches as he sees a note saying, “YOU HAVE A GRANDCHILD” but then she lies about where it came from. He calls Detective Sullivan, telling him that Mike’s been keeping something from him.

ACT THREE

1. Betty and Matthew leave their house, as Bree watches --
2. Bree gets the keys to the house, which she has because of the previous owners’ trusting her--
3. And Bree gets into the Applewhite home, bringing a cobbler with her. She calls for Caleb, who comes downstairs. He comes down and she introduces herself. He smiles when she says she brought cobbler..
4. Lynette hears clapping and asks secretary Pat about it; she says that Tom agreed to eat a doughnut out of the toilet.
5. Tom’s preparing to dunk his doughnut when Lynette pulls him aside and urges him to not do it. But this is his in with Ed, he urges, and he’s doing it.
6. Bree’s talking with Caleb, who reveals he’s been staying in the basement. Does she want to see his former home?
7. Caleb brings Bree to the basement and sees what his living conditions were like. Why would Betty do this to him?, she wonders. He reveals he hurt a girl named Melanie, and then she died . She was pretty . . . just like Bree.

ACT FOUR

1. Mike’s outside when Susan approaches and says she’s getting married. To the doctor?, Mike asks. No -- to a gay guy. And then she explains her problem. Does Mike think it’s crazy? No, he doesn’t. Detective Sullivan approaches and Susan excuses herself. Noah knows about the grandchild and wants to meet him. When Mike balks at this, Sullivan says he’s willing to track down the child. Mike agrees to be there at Noah’s house the next morning.
2. Xiao-Mei is brushing Gabrielle’s hair and also looking at her jewelry. Gabrielle’s a bit unhappy Xiao-Mei wants to go back to China. She tries to play up the fact that she’s like Xiao-Mei. She even gives the Chinese woman a trinket from her jewelry. Xiao-Mei likes this a lot and ends up hugging Gabrielle, who encourages Xiao-Mei to brush her hair again.
3. Outside a wedding chapel, Gary tells Susan this is the best he could do…
4. And they go inside to find Gary’s best man -- and life partner -- Steven, who’s miffed to learn Susan merely has a wandering spleen, not cancer. He clearly doesn’t like what Gary’s doing. As Gary walks into the chapel, Steven steps in front of Susan and shoves a wedding cake into her hands.
5. The wedding’s about to begin, but Gary sends the justice of the peace off to put in the music he brought for the wedding. Steven’s glares from the audience create a problem for Gary, and after Gary and Steven argue, Steven walks away. Gary apologizes to Susan but calls off the wedding and walks away. The justice of the peace returns, as the music is playing, but it’s too late -- Susan’s been stood up at the altar by a gay guy!

ACT FIVE

1. Karl finds Susan outside, and learns she didn’t get married after all. What will she do? Karl proposes that they get married. He’d be saving her life, and hopefully that would make up for how he treated her before. She agrees after a moment, but after a moment of silence they both agree that Edie must never find out.
2. Carlos and Gabrielle are preparing to send Xiao-Mei off with the priest. After Xiao-Mei exits, Gabrielle’s frustrated over losing what could have been the best maid ever. Then, they hear arguing noises coming from outside…
3. Outside, Carlos and Gabrielle learns Xiao-Mei doesn’t want to return to China. She wants to stay with Carlos and Gabrielle, as she thinks of them as family! Gabrielle’s pleased and takes Xiao-Mei back with her.
4. Lynette and Tom argue about his bets with Ed, but he can’t back down now.
5. Lynette tells Ed she wants a more professional tone in the office, but he thinks Tom sent her in to fight his battle for her. When Ed gets snippy, Lynette fights back, challenging her boss. She’ll do whatever she wants in order to get Ed to stop pushing Tom.
6. The employees have gathered around to watch Lynette fulfill Ed’s bet. He’ll stop the shenanigans . . . if she eats a pound of bacon. She starts slowly, then eats more, and more, and finishes it off, bringing the office over to her side as Ed’s bet makes him looks bad. She completes the challenge and Ed agrees to Lynette’s terms. Tom’s proud of his wife but she’s more concerned about finding a bucket . . .
ACT SIX

1. There’s a knock at Bree’s door. It’s Betty, who’s learned Caleb was visited by a nice red-headed woman. She enters, mad at Bree for visiting her son. But Bree gives Betty a glass of wine, as they’re about to have a lovely talk . . . and Betty may need the alcohol.
2. Mike’s at Noah’s place, where he tells him about Zach. Noah wants to meet Zach, but Mike doesn’t want to drag him in. Noah gives Mike 2 days to bring Zach in. Felicia’s listening from the next room…
3. Back with Betty and Bree, Betty explains that she didn’t cry when she learned Caleb was disabled. She knew it was her job to take care of him. And whatever the problems, Caleb has a very sweet nature. Why did she have him chained in the basement?, Bree questions.
Betty says that Matthew was in an on-again-off-again relationship with Melanie Foster when Caleb asked her to meet him at the lumberyard. There, he admitted to Melanie he loved her, and tried to kiss her; when she rebuffed him, she apparently hit Caleb. Caleb doesn’t remember much, but he apparently killed Melanie with an axe. And now Betty gets emotional as she blames herself for what happened, as it was her job to protect Caleb. Bree reaches out to take Betty’s hand . . .
Mary Alice begins to talk about unlikely friendships . . .
4. Gabrielle and Xiao-Mei are together . . .
5. Susan watches as Karl and Edie go by together . . .
6. Lynette sees Tom and Ed bonding . . .
7. And as Danielle and Matthew kiss outside, we see that Caleb is watching them from his window.

Scene by scene summary of THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT A WAR

2006-01-22T17:59:00.000-08:00

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TEASER

1. As Edie’s watching a movie and eating on her couch with Karl, Mary Alice begins to talk about Edie understanding the nature of war.
2. FLASHBACK -- Edie wants a vacation to Rome, but Karl suggests Vegas, as it’s cheaper.
3. FLASHBACK -- Edie’s frustrated by Karl’s inability to put his dirty clothes in a hamper.
4. FLASHBACK -- Edie wants Chinese food, Karl wants pizza.
5. Back in the present, Karl switches the TV to his football game, to Edie’s frustration.
6. Edie goes and gets some rope--
7. Edie wants to steal Karl away for sex.
8. In her bedroom, Edie’s tied up Karl. She goes to get some whipped cream…
9. But the whipped cream is for Edie’s dessert, which she eats as she watches her movie. Karl realizes he’s been had.

ACT ONE

1. Mary Alice talks about the great view of the neighborhood from the second story bedroom of the Applewhite home -- but the view’s about to change, as newspapers are being placed over it.
2. Betty comes home to find Caleb in the upstairs of her home. She’s mad at Matthew and sends Caleb away. Matthew thinks it’ll be safe for Caleb to stay there, while Betty disagrees. But Matthew notes that they both share a risk.
3. At church, the priest is talking as Gabrielle watches a baby coo in front of her. Carlos and Gabrielle argue about the possibility of having a child, and Gabrielle reminds her hubby she’s miscarried recently. When the priest announces Sister Mary’s returned, Gabrielle calls out, “Son of a bitch!” then tries to pretend she wasn’t responsible.
4. At home, Bree picks up Danielle’s backpack and carries it upstairs…
5. Bree’s at the door to Danielle’s room and calls in, not realizing Danielle’s there with Matthew. She comes inside a moment later, to give Danielle the backpack and get Danielle’s laundry. All’s well until Bree sees Matthew’s hand beneath the bed. Bree asks her daughter if a black man is hiding beneath the bed.
6. Betty answers her door to find Bree with Matthew and Danielle. Before the events can be explained, Betty slaps her son and orders him inside. She apologizes for what happened and tells the Van De Kamps she’s moving.
7. At the Scavo home, Lynette’s working on an important pitch, and Tom offers his assistance, as she’s got nothing. He throws out some ideas and she runs with one of the concepts.
8. Dr. Ron’s brought Susan home from their third date. She tries to get him to come inside -- Julie’s gone. She also has wine. But he passes and gives Susan a quick kiss. Before he leaves, though, Susan wants to know if she repulses him, as she’s tired of him being a perfect gentleman. He quickly insists he likes her a lot, but doesn’t know how ethical it is to move quickly with her while she’s still his patient. But he can’t help himself and gives her a passionate kiss, which Susan gleefully admits felt a bit unethical.
9. Carlos and Sister Mary are meeting in her car, and she quickly notes it’s because Gabrielle despises her. She can tell he’s unhappy, and he brings up the argument about having a child. What can he do? She pulls a pamphlet about annullments from the glove box and tells Carlos that God helps those who help themselves.

ACT TWO

1. Lynette’s walking through her workplace as she’s on the phone with Tom. The pitch worked and now they can afford another executive. He wants to know about certain parts of the pitch that he contributed to, but apparently nothing he said made its way into the pitch, though she tries to avoid saying as much.
2. Dr. Ron informs Susan that her spleen must be removed because of its proximity to her liver. That won’t require surgery, will it?, Susan wants to know. It will, and he can do it. Susan’s unsure about him seeing her naked for the first time in this context, but they decide to arrange it anyway. After Dr. Ron leaves, the nurse is pleased for him, and Susan learns he’s never done this surgery before.
3. Carlos tells Gabrielle he can wait on having a child til she’s ready, but needs a promise that they’ll have kids eventually. She can’t do that for him. When he brings up Sister Mary and the annullment, Gabrielle’s angry.
4. At the Scavo home, Lynette admits to Tom that the search for a new executive isn’t going well. Does he have any suggestions? Tom suggests himself -- with 2 incomes, they can afford a nanny, and her work now has daycare too. And the last time they worked together, they fell in love. But Lynette shoots down the idea . . . and Tom’s pulled away by Parker to find a toothbrush.

ACT THREE

1. Lynette and her boss Ed have finished an interview, but she wasn’t bowled over by the interviewee. The next person to be interviewed is Tom Cavos, and Lynette realizes it’s Tom! She goes over to Tom and the two argue. She thinks he’s good in advertising, but sometimes he coasts. He can’t let go of the fact that she screwed him over when it came to his promotion last year. They agree to let Tom’s resume speak for itself in the interview…
2. And Ed loves his resume. He brings up his work at a company, and Lynette teases out of Tom the fact that he was fired from that job after 5 months. Ed likes he won a Cleo award, and Lynette gets Tom to admit he worked on the project with his wife. Ed’s ready to hire Tom now but Lynette wants to first check with his references…
3. At church, Gabrielle’s looking for Father Crowley, and learns he’s in the confessional.
4. Gabrielle goes to give her confession, but instead of confessing her sins, she only makes things worse for herself by claiming Sister Mary is trying to break up her marriage. Is she sleeping with Carlos?, the priest wants to know. Gabrielle lies and says Carlos admitted as much. The priest heads out, and Gabrielle then talks with another priest. She admits she’s fibbed recently and wonders how many Hail Marys that’ll set her back.
5. Bree finds Danielle crying on her bed. Danielle turns from grief to anger as she accuses her mother of trying to destroy her just as she’s coming into her own, while Bree’s becoming an old fossil! Bree wants to help, and Danielle insists Bree do something. As Danielle begins to cry again, Bree tells her daughter she’s going to order pizza, and Danielle wants Canadian bacon.ACT FOUR

1. Matthew comes home but he quickly moves past his mother. As Caleb and Betty chat, Caleb mentions Danielle is very pretty, leading Betty to insist Caleb not think about girls, and tell her son she’ll slap him twice as hard as she did Matthew if he looks at her again.
2. Susan and Ron are eating dinner at her place, and he’s having trouble cutting the meat. She attempts to coax him into admitting he shouldn’t do the surgery on her, and finally admits she’s worried he can’t handle it, since he can’t even cut the meat. He lays into her, pointing out that the meat is too tough. He claims it’s okay she doesn’t want him to do the surgery, but then makes a quick exit.
3. Susan’s followed him outside, where their argument continues, and he drives away.
4. Lynette’s come home, where she tells Tom she told Ed the truth and he wants to hire Tom. She’s okay with that, on one condition: he can never bring up her ruining his promotion again. He agrees to this. And she also needs to be forgiven. Tom tells her he’s already forgiven her. She softens, telling Tom his dinner was really good and he thanks her.

ACT FIVE

1. The newspapers covering Caleb’s bedroom window are torn away…
2. Outside, Bree and Betty talk. Bree favors allowing Matthew and Danielle to have chaperoned dates, as she suspects the kids will meet secretly otherwise. But Betty has no problem being the villain in this situation. Bree’s caught off guard as she sees Caleb in the Applewhite’s window! She excuses herself…
2. Bree goes through her stack of newspapers and sees Caleb’s picture.
3. Bree tells Danielle she’s not to go near Matthew again, as their family is hiding the man who broke into Gabrielle’s home.
4. Carlos tells Gabrielle that Sister Mary is being transferred to Alaska.
5. Susan’s in Dr. Ron’s waiting room, and when he sees her, she says she’s been there for 3 hours. She gives a speech about how she’s not going to ignore her instincts anymore, and she’ll no longer jump through hoops for men. Dr. Ron tells Susan he sent an apology and flowers to her house 2 hours ago. He understands that he can’t be her doctor, as he likes her and doesn’t want to lose her.
6. Matthew and Danielle meet in secret. She presses him about his secret, but Matthew freaks. Danielle wants to be there for him, and notes her family also has a secret . . . Andrew did something bad and Bree covered it up. Matthew will tell Danielle his secret -- but first she has to tell her family’s secret.
7. Gabrielle walks into the church where Sister Mary is scrubbing the floor. The nun quickly realizes Gabrielle’s responsible for her dismissal to Alaska, and Gabrielle rubs it in. As Gabrielle goes to leave, the nun lobs her sponge at her. Gabrielle retaliates by slapping Sister Mary! This leads to a full-on catfight, even involving Sister Mary being set on fire! Gabrielle pulls down a “Jesus Saves” banner and uses it to put out the fire, but Sister Mary then bites Gabrielle. As the fight continues, they have to be broken up by a priest.

ACT SIX

1. As Gabrielle returns home, Carlos is mad, since he’s learned what happened with Sister Mary. Her only regret is that she didn’t kick Carlos’ ass instead! He apologizes for the annulment fiasco but still wants a kid. She has her own ultimatum: he has to choose between her or having a child. When he chooses her, she informs her husband she’s also made a decision, and she wants a child too, with him.
2. Bree answers her door to find Betty there. Betty lets herself in as she wants to chat. She confesses that she is hiding Caleb, her other son, but that he’s not responsible for hurting Gabrielle or the man who was killed. Betty tells Bree that they have a lot in common, as both are capable of going to extraordinary lengths to cover for those they love. And then she tells Bree she’ll tell the Solises and the police the truth about what happened to Juanita should Bree ever turn her in.
3. The other women of Wisteria Lane are at the Van De Kamp’s front door, curious about what info Bree might have on the Applewhites.
4. But when Bree lets the women in, she folds, revealing she’s brought Betty there -- to join their poker game.
5. As Mary Alice gives her speech about war, we see the women playing poker, and everyone folds against Betty -- everyone, that is, except for Bree, who raises. And Mary Alice suggests this is going to be a fight to the death . .

Scene by scene summary of ONE MORE KISS

2006-01-08T18:01:00.000-08:00

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TEASER

1. Mary Alice talks about kisses being very different as we see a dinner party where all sorts of kissing is going on…

Bree kisses a guest on the cheek.

A wife kisses her husband to tell him he’s had enough to drink.

2. And in the kitchen, Gabrielle, Tom, Lynette, Edie, Karl, and Bree are laughing and talking. Gabrielle talks of being a cheerleader while Tom reveals he was a band geek who didn’t get kissed until he was 18. Gabrielle insists she secretly crushed on the band geeks; when Tom insists this couldn’t be so, Gabrielle gives Tom a kiss. Everyone thinks this is funny . . . everyone, except for Lynette.

ACT ONE

1. Mary Alice talks of cleaning up after a party as we see that happening --

2. And now as Lynette brings the left over food to the kitchen, she tries to casually bring up the kiss with Gabrielle, who’s surprised when Lynette says the kiss bugged her. They’re interrupted by the other women who enter talking about the Applewhites. Edie says the Applewhites are weird and the others appear to agree. Gabrielle and Lynette try to avoid the tension while others are in the room but Edie senses a problem. When the problem’s aired, Bree sticks up for Lynette. And then Edie’s on to talking about someone else’s problem.

3. As Bree kisses Susan goodbye, Susan exits and sees Zach taking out the garbage. Susan runs to Mike’s house and informs him Zach’s back! He knows all about this but is trying to take things slowly, particularly since Paul threatened him. Susan wants to help Mike and Zach connect.

4. At home, Paul tries to help Zach choose a book to read, but Zach doesn’t care. Paul’s going to be homeschooling Zach. Zach questions his father about Felicia’s claims that Paul killed Mrs. Huber. Paul gets Zach to admit he doesn’t think his father’s capable of murder, but Zach adds he didn’t think his mother was capable of suicide.

5. Outside the Van De Kamp home, Andrew and Justin talk, and kiss. At the window, Bree sees this, and breaks the champagne glass in her hand.

6. When Andrew comes in to the house, Bree confronts her son and tells him he’s not to mock her values while he’s living under her roof. Andrew wants nothing to do with this and suggests Bree take her alcohol with her when she goes to bed.

ACT TWO

1. Matthew is leaving Caleb in the basement, and is sorry to leave Caleb there. Matthew’s joined by his mother who’s concerned termites are eating away at the basement stairs. Betty’s mad at Matthew when he wants to bring Caleb up, as Caleb can’t be brought out until she’s sure he’s safe.

2. Outside the Applewhite home, Monroe’s in his car. Edie jogs up and wants to know he’s been parked there for two hours. He lies, claiming he’s there on behalf of a realty, and Edie’s incensed, as she’s the local real estate agent. She leaves, but not before telling him she’s a dangerous woman. But he’s the dangerous one -- as he’s got a gun.

3. As Susan and Julie have come into their driveway, Zach approaches and apologizes to them for everything he did before. He’s not going to be bothering them anymore. After he leaves, Susan and Julie decide they believe him - and even feel sorry for Zach. Susan’s got an idea about how to bring Mike and Zach together.

4. Bree and Lynette have driven up next to each other in the street, and they begin to talk from their cars. Lynette’s happy Bree backed her side at the party. Bree brings up Gabrielle’s history, and Lynette’s surprised to learn about Gabrielle’s affair with her gardener -- not her current one, but John. Meanwhile, Ida Greenberg’s in the car behind Lynette and wants to get around, but can’t -- until she drives on the sidewalk and past Lynette.

5. Susan and Julie approach Mike, who’s working beneath his car. Susan’s come up with an idea: bowling for Mike and Zach. Paul doesn’t need to know. Mike’s skeptical but Susan tells him she wants to make things right between Mike and Zach.

6. Bree’s going to Andrew’s room to wake him for breakfast, and she’s horrified to find Andrew asleep in bed with Justin. Justin’s also flustered while Andrew seems amused by Bree’s horror. She tells her son to get downstairs now.

7. Downstairs, Bree tells Andrew Justin isn’t welcome there, but Andrew informs his mother that he plans on telling the police what she did to George. Would he really blackmail his mother and throw her in jail?, Bree wonders. Andrew says he would -- the apron strings have to be cut at some point anyway!

ACT THREE

1. Tom has Penny in his arms as hes’ outside trying to bring the groceries inside. Gabrielle sees Tom drop the groceries as she’s passing by and goes to hold Penny so Tom can handle the groceries.

2. Gabrielle’s brought in Penny and notes Penny threw up on her. Tom gets a call from Lynette, who’s coming home early and will stop at the store to pick up the bread that Tom forgot. But then Lynette hears Gabrielle in the background.

3. Lynette’s hurried home, where she finds Gabrielle and Tom. She didn’t get the bread, claiming the store was all out. She tries to lie about her happiness (or lack thereof) about Gabrielle being there, but finally admits she’s not comfortable with Gabrielle, particularly given Gabrielle’s history. Confused, Tom inquires about this and Gabrielle reveals she slept with John.

4. At home, Gabrielle’s told Carlos what’s happening, but he’s wrapped up in his putting. Carlos pushes Gabrielle’s buttons, saying that the gossip about her affair with John makes Gabrielle appear to be a sexual predator. Gabrielle tells Carlos to go have an affair with some woman -- an ex, a callgirl, maybe even the nun -- so he can get it out of his system. But he’s not to bring home any diseases! Carlos seems to be considering this option.

5. Tom gets into bed with Lynette as they discuss her reaction to the kiss. Lynette admits to overreacting, but also can’t get past what happened. Tom teases his wife by suggesting that he’s become even more attractive with age and he can’t help that all the women want him. This amuses Lynette who decides to apologize to Gabrielle about what happened. Lynette and Tom end up kissing themselves.

6. Betty and Matthew drive away; once they’re gone, Monroe gets out of his car and breaks into the Applewhite home.

7. Inside, Monroe’s searched all over but has found nothing. Where now?

8. Monroe’s gone into the basement. He sees the door leading to Caleb, and goes to break it open.

9. Monroe, with Caleb. Monroe unlocks Caleb but when Caleb refuses to leave, Monroe knocks him to the floor.

10. With his gun in hand, Monroe looks out the window.

11. Monroe points his gun down the stairs at Caleb, but Caleb refuses to leave. He goes downstairs to get Caleb. And that’s when he crashes through the stairs. He’s halfway sticking out -- and he drops over, dead.

12. Betty and Matthew come home to find Caleb upstairs eating ice cream. All Caleb says is that he didn’t do it.

13. Betty and Matthew find Monroe’s body in the stairs.

ACT FOUR

1. Bree’s brought muffins to Karl and she also has a question about when lawyer/client confidentiality begins. When Karl tells her it begins with money, Bree hands him over $100 as a retainer and wants to hire Karl’s services as she wants to stop her S.O.B. of a son from blackmailing her.

2. Betty and Matthew have learned that Monroe’s from Illinois. Betty hopes he didn’t suffer but Matthew only laughs. When Monroe’s cell rings, they learn the call was from someone named Foster. This news causes Betty to tell Matthew they’ll need to get rid of the body tonight.

3. Lynette joins Gabrielle in the kitchen as Gabrielle’s blending something. Lynette’s sorry about what happened…

4. And minutes later, Lynette and Gabrielle are laughing and talking, Carlos joins the women, happy they’ve made up. But things fall apart for Lynette when she realizes Gabrielle still doesn’t think she did anything wrong. Lynette pulls Carlos into a long kiss that seems to go on forever. Gabrielle pulls Carlos away from Lynette, having seen her friend’s point.

5. Susan, Mike, and Julie are bowling as Zach arrives, surprised to learn Mike’s also there. Zach’s not very good at bowling, but when Julie goes to get a hot dog, Zach wonders why Mike and Susan are being so nice to him. They claim they just want to help him. Susan leaves the two to talk and Mike gives Zach some bowling advice, which leads to Zach bowling much better.

6. Betty and Matthew have placed Monroe in the trunk of his own car but when the trunk’s closed, they realize they’ve locked the keys away too. This makes Betty laugh, in spite of the situation.

ACT FIVE

1. Andrew’s playing a video game as Bree approaches and tells him to stop as her lawyer’s there to talk to him.

2. Later, Karl’s told Andrew that Bree wasn’t legally required to help George. But Andrew’s not fazed, as he considers lying to the police and telling them that Bree helped George kill himself. Bree informs her son that if he does so, she will sue him and garnish his wages when he turns 18. Karl sends Bree away for a moment and then he throws Andrew against the wall and snaps at Andrew about his lack of respect for Bree and his willingness to take care of Andrew if necessary. Bree’s heard all of this from the next room.

3. Outside Lynette’s home, Carlos thanks Lynette for patching things up with Gabrielle, and then brings up Gabrielle’s suggestion that he have an affair with someone. Does Lynette have any input on that? Lynette says she doesn’t. It’s clear that Carlos is hinting that he and Lynette should have an affair but Lynette avoids this. Carlos says that their kiss was great and you can’t fake chemistry like that!

4. Zach’s asleep in bed when Paul enters. He sees the bowling score sheet in the trash and realizes Zach was out with Mike. He asks a now awake Zach about this.

5. Paul storms over to Mike’s place and punches him. Susan’s pulled out of her driveway in her car and sees this, and as Mike and Paul fight on the ground, Susan ends up crashing her car, and Monroe’s trunk comes open. The Applewhites have come out to see the commotion as well, and they watch as Monroe’s body is discovered.All eyes turn to Paul, who's just as surprised by the body as the others are.

ACT SIX

1. Bree, Edie, Lynette, and Gabrielle are talking to each other outside as Susan’s talking to a police officer about what happened. Meanwhile, Matthew and Betty are watching this, and while Matthew’s worried, Betty’s not. Susan joins her friends and as they wonder if Paul’s responsible, Susan admits that Paul looked just as surprised as anyone else. Edie thinks the Applewhites are responsible somehow and the women bring up all the evidence against them, including Betty lying to Susan about the noises from the basement. They then wave to Betty, who admits to Matthew that now she’s worried. Monroe’s car is towed away…

2. Zach’s playing his guitar outside when he sees Julie’s arrived home. He goes to her and reveals Paul learned about the bowling and that won’t be happening again anytime soon. But he had fun. Julie ends up kissing him on the cheek.

3. Mary Alice starts to talk about the different types of kisses. First, we see Lynette and Tom kissing in bed…

4. Gabrielle kissing Carlos, who doesn’t return the favor…

5. Betty kisses her son…

6. Justin and Andrew are kissing…

7. Edie and Karl kiss…

8. Mrs. Frome kisses her cat…

9. Bree kisses a picture of Rex…

10. And Julie and Zach are also getting close again -- as Paul sees this all from his window.